I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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