you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
