Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
