So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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