i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
