Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
