He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
