I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You pole danced in your parka.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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