I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My penis needs a shock collar
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just gargled with NyQuil
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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