I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
