Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
