there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
