sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
