a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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