i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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