last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
