he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
