theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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