You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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