fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
