i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's the barista slut.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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