You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
