Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this beer tastes like vomit already
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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