He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize