I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm having to shit out rocks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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