New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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