I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
