she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
