All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
