Only a mothe r could love this liver
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize