dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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