I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
