whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
