I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
