Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He shit in the fireplace
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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