We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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