If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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