i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dick very happy bro
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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