She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
