I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
