The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
