Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
