all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
