i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
