maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
