I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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