do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
