what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
