Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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