I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
