I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
