I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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