I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we're making bets on your personal life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
