im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
