Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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