What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The struggles of a small town man whore
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
