omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
