I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I forgot how hot balto sounded
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
