Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize