Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
