A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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