NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
