it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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