Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
