He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
this just has baby written all over it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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