That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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