He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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