I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
