how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
