I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
